3 months in the tundra

Tundra: biome describing the Arctic area of Europe, Asia and North America where the ground is permanently frozen. 

That's where I live. 

Ok, to be fair, the tundra is actually only north of the Arctic Circle in northern Norway, Oslo is below it, so I don't exactly live IN the tundra specifically but my numb fingers and snow boots might say it's close enough.

So now we've survived here three months.  It's crazy to look back and see how much has happened in such a short time-what a whirlwind! 

I've seen more, cried more, learned more, held onto my boys more, been in awe more, been absolutely clueless more, been so proud more these past 90 days than ever before. Some experiences I knew to prepare for, others have hit me completely unexpectedly.  I've learned some lessons that, despite my lowest of the low moments, I would never change.  

My boys are strong. They are resilient and well adjusted. While I've worried and planned, they have just been little boys doing what little boys do. I absolutely love moments like watching Barrett play soccer with local boys on his team -communicating through high fives and cheers, Owen sledding over and over and laughing in the snow, Tyler picking up British English at school-saying things like "rubbish" and "just a bit" and studying spelling words like "fortnight" and "centre". Intrigued with history from WWII and naming capitals of countries I didn't even know existed, they are soaking up the world in unmatchable ways. They are loving people in a Godly way, not judging their differences, but learning who they are. 

I am a proud proud mama.

My marriage is strong. Micah and I have been through hard times in the past but these months have strengthened my love and faith in him. He has stepped up to love and support me as I've wobbled on shaky ground.   New job in a new world with new people in a new language, never ending and (occasionally) nonsensical logistics, wife and kids adjusting to change after change after change-he is holding it together (more than I can say for myself some days). Plus we've laughed----a lot---sometimes at ourselves, sometimes at the chaos, and sometimes in the middle of a breakdown. I love him. I love us. 

I'm a proud proud wife. 

 I am strong. That sounds somewhat egotistical even as I write it but it's something I have never really let myself feel before. I have come a long  long way from my first days of shock and fear. It hasn't been easy but I'm not overwhelmed every second now. I have found a routine. I can go to the grocery store and get gas and wash my car. I have made friends. I can understand most signs and pleasantries. I even got my first parking ticket! I am relaxing, adjusting, and trusting God. Most significantly, I am learning to accept myself as I am, as God sees me. My resume-education, experience, who I work with-doesn't matter. I am ME-weaknesses, bad days, uncertainties about the future-and all. I am enough for my family. I am enough for God. I am enough. 

I am a proud proud child of God.

So there it is. My reflection of this blur. And what is crazy is that I am still at base camp. My mountain still lies ahead. I've proved myself in this adrenaline driven beginning but I  have so far to go and so much more ground to cover. Take a breath. Say a prayer. Find confidence. 

I can do hard things.