Us vs them

I love when my boys make me think. On a regular basis, they ask a question or model my behavior or call me out in a way that makes me reflect and truly evaluate myself. What better accountability to my beliefs and values?

Today was a tough one that's got me thinking.

The scene-

The church we are attending in Norway is an international Baptist church. It is a small group that meets in a warehouse office building amidst car dealerships, but the message is in English and the pastor is big hearted.  We share God with a diverse group of people. There is a large proportion of the congregation that is Russian. In fact, the service is translated into Russian for those whose English isn't sufficient.  The boys have several school friends there and have made other friends. Ty has become good friends with one of the Russian boys.

The question-

We are leaving church today and Ty is particularly quiet. When I ask him what's going on he responds "Is Vlad going to be a bad guy when he grows up?" 

Whoa

Like most of the world, we have been following the news in Boston. He has unavoidably overheard the media and our conversations at home that have identified the bombers as brothers from Russia. And now he's worried about his best church friend.

The evaluation-

I can't blame him. I don't mean I question the "goodness" of  Vlad's family, but it must be incredibly confusing for a 7 year old.

On one hand we (being the bigger we of all /most parents) want to teach our kids to love and accept but yet they see us condemn, hate, and go to war with other countries. We want to teach them not to judge yet they see us pointing fingers at others that don't meet our standards. We teach them not to bully yet there are whole facebook pages that are shared making fun of those with different political views. We want to teach them to be respectful yet are often anything but. We want to teach them to be open minded yet we are close minded creatures of habit. 

How confusing. How is he supposed to love in a world that often emphasizes  hate and perpetuates stereotypes?

It's a double standard. We want (and expect) all these things for our children yet we model the "us vs them" mentality. 

We are good, they are bad. We are right, they are wrong. We are intelligent and rational decision makers, they are unstable and unpredictable.

We judge. 

Admittedly, my thoughts here are judgmental. In effect, I am judging the judgers. I don't make any excuses for it, I only seek to point out the reality. We are all guilty.

The thing is, we are comfort creatures. We know ourselves, our expectations, our actions. THEY are scary, different, foreign. 

The perspective-

But we are really aren't that different, are we? We are all God's children.

Focusing on generalizations, making political jokes at the expense of someone else's dignity, criticizing a person or situation we aren't familiar with ourselves teaches children to close themselves off with only like minded groups. There is no learning or growth without stepping out.

What we have to focus on teaching our children is to love-to love themselves, love God, and love God's world. We have teach by example and by experience. We have to look for opportunities to show our kids how to love when it's hardest and most difficult. And we have to be honest with them about the difficulty. We have to teach them to rely on God for that love. 

So we had a long talk with Tyler about how the bad guys in Boston happened to be Russian but that doesn't at all mean that Russian people are bad. We should take time to know each person for who they are and not where they came from or what they support. Vlad is not a bad guy. He is a friend. And we are lucky to have the opportunity to know him. We are blessed to love him as God first has loved us.

"You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty." Mahatma Gandhi

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." Martin Luther King, Jr.

“Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye? “You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye." 

Matthew 7:3-5