I’ve been writing a lot these days as part of my master’s
program…like “quality collaborative contributions on 5 out of 7 days” plus
intensive research papers every 2 weeks and final submissions every 12 weeks. It
is consuming. It is exhausting. It is worth it (I tell myself).
But as I sit in the Bekkestua bibliotek (to avoid
procrastinating by working at home) trying to write about public health strategies
for disease prevalence in Central America, I realize I haven’t REALLY written
in a long time. I haven’t had the time to reflect on myself. Okay wait, let’s
be honest, I haven’t MADE the time to reflect on myself, my mission, my
motivation. I’ve been stuck examining the trees and have been missing the
beautiful forest surrounding me.
I’m a juggler. I’ve got a lot of projects and commitments going
on right now, as I know a lot of us do. I run from working at the school, to
working on my schoolwork, to leading the parent association, to planning
medical mission work, to planning travel, to finishing my medical continuing
education (you would think my master’s program would cover that but the state
of Texas disagrees with you) on top of my priorities of being a wife, a mom,
and friend. I’m not complaining here, it’s just that I find these moments when
I let all these things in my life take over and I find myself running to keep
up. It’s in these moments that I realize I tend to feel overwhelmed and
stressed and far from God.
So, today, I’m changing that. I might not be able to change
it tomorrow or next week I might find I feel like I’m drowning again, but today
I am putting aside all the deadlines and emails and papers and STUFF, and
reminding myself of my focus. I'm taking a timeout. So with Nicaragua on my mind, today I choose to
remember how grateful I am for my experience and growth there. Here it goes….
My trip to Managua this summer was different. I always find
it awesome that no matter how many places I travel and how sure I am of what to
expect, God always challenges me and shows me more on each trip.
Our group partnered with three churches in communities in
need of help. I was able to hold medical clinics arranged by the local groups
for the communities they served. These clinics are absolutely my FAVORITE thing
to do in life. Absolutely nothing makes me feel fuller than laughing with the
kids and holding hands listening to people. What really struck me here though was
how accepted and a part of their community I felt. Some of that was logistics,
my clinic was only one of many projects so I was often left to my own accord apart
from my American group. But so much of it was the people. They were welcoming,
loving, willing to share their homes with me. I was in awe.
The first day was very busy. I saw patients in a concrete
shell of a room without electricity or water. After, I headed to the pharmacy
on the back of a vespa with the pastor to pick up medications. That night was 4th
of July and the church surprised us at the end of the worship with homemade
fireworks and a version of Celine Dion singing God Bless America. I laughed and
cried at the same time. What amazing people!
The second clinic was in a different outdoor church
structure where the church had invited community families, many of whom were gang
members, to be seen. They were sweet, grateful, intelligent, hopeful. Our trips
to the toilet consisted of walking down a dirt path through mango trees, past
roosters and chained pit bulls to a home in the barrio. We ate together (mmmm,
gallo pinto is my favorite!), we watched world cup football, we played. It was
a beautiful day.
The final clinic day was spent caring for residents at a
senior center. After I finished there, we took a bus (a shelled out van with a
young boy yelling destinations out of the window) to another barrio to meet up
with the rest of the group. We spent my last evening dancing and singing with
the local kids together, making friends for life.
Despite language barriers (better described as my completely
fumbling Spanish in which I mistakingly called a friend “gorgeous” for a day
instead of “brother” and answered “only at night” when I mistook being asked if
I was “married” as “tired”) the connections I made with people I respect and
love were strong. It is so humbling for me to spend time with these people. I
let go of my selfishness and judgments and find myself. I find myself content.
I find myself real. I find myself seeing God clearly.
In all of my chaos, I
still have no idea where my path is leading, but I do know that
continuing to step outside of my comfort zone, to force myself to see beyond my
bubble, to be brave when I don’t feel like I can, is to follow God. “Spirit lead me where my
trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters wherever you would call
me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, and my faith will be made
stronger, in the presence of my Savior.”
Home from the pharmacia. Completely normal, right?? He wanted me to drive....maybe next time
New friends. Miss them all
Clinic smiles
Morning coffee, beautiful country
My sweet friend Matthews. We had lots of giggles and games this trip
This girl. My heart. She's a keeper
