Giving up

I find it so amazing that just in the moments that I get wrapped up in myself, God gives me an obvious reminder to remember my priorities and purpose. 

I throw a heck of a pity party, if I do say so myself. I am really good at getting worked up and stressed and anxious and overwhelmed. I don't sleep, I don't eat, the panic attacks start, it's an effort to function.

I pray and I tell God I give it to Him, I can't do it alone.....but not all of me believes that.

 I hate to say that. I really WANT to let it go, but I don't. I would say I cant but honestly thats my choice.  I still hold on to just enough to keep control. I still pour over pro/con lists in depth and research for hours without asking Him for direction. I get wrapped up and then, just to make it even more overwhelming, I focus on my stress and how I am dealing with. I break myself.

And when I KNOW I can't possibly handle anymore, God gives me more. I've reached my end, and He says yes, you have, let it go, now you have no choice.

He turns me from details and worldly problems to Him, who I am, and my family. 

Today, He told me my boys needed me. He told me to I'm letting myself be consumed by unimportant things and to get over it. My boys need me. I need to listen and focus and love. 

I give it up. I give it up to Him.

Pig Pen

Not long ago I had a patient tell me I reminded him of Pig Pen from Charlie Brown. Offensive, right? Until he explained-he had seen me in the grocery store with all of my boys. He said I was forging straight ahead and focused on throwing things in the cart while they were all running and talking in chaos all around me. Yep, that was definitely me.

In the last 2 weeks these are actual true stories from our house:

-Watched my  3 year old carry a dog toy around in his mouth while wearing "puppy paws" (my shoes) on his hands and barking.

-Told my 7 year old "do not put that cricket in your mouth"-and had to say it more than once.

-Grounded my 9 year old after he took his (my old) iPhone to school after being told it stays at home.

-Had a long conversation with all 3 about whether a tree would grow in your stomach if you swallowed an acorn. For the record, I'm not sure I buy the theory that you can get sunlight into your stomach by yawning.

-Watched my very proud 3 year old pull down his pants and pee in the driveway---and didn't correct him. That's a potty training win!

-Found a note my 7 year old wrote that says "I will not play kung fu at recess" 20 times. When asked, he told me he hadn't gotten in trouble, he had just written it all down for "when he needed it".

-Argued with my 9 year old that soccer shorts and a hoodie do not constitute "cold weather clothes" even if you plan run in place constantly to keep warm.

Such is my life right now. 

Sometimes it drives me crazy. Sometimes it exhausts me.

Sometimes I have been known to call a "mommy timeout" and head to the closet for a quick moment to breath and pray. 

And sometimes, when I stop long enough to actually be in and take in the moment,I love it.

These boys are worth the craziness.

I. Am. Blessed.

Be a good patient, from a doctor's perspective

I spend my work days in the hospital seeing patients. Nobody plans to be a patient. Nobody knows what to expect until you've been there yourself. This is my advice for making the most of a bad situation, take it or leave it

1. Tell your doctor everything. Really. That little part about how this has happened 10 times before but you never worried about  it-that matters.

2. Please remember you are not in a hotel. Don't focus complaining about the food or being woken up or the tv channel selections. It goes on the list of irrelevant information.  Focus on getting better.

3. Be your own advocate. Your thoughts, previous experiences, and gut feelings will effect the picture. So please share.

4. Don't ask me "what time.....?" about anything and expect anything more than a guess.  Little known fact-doctors have little to nothing to do with what time your test is done, when you are moved from the ER to a room, or even what time you'll see your specialist physician. Patience is a virtue.

5. That being said, if you are the head coach of your sons Little League team that leaves for the World Series on Tuesday, let me know (true story). I will do everything I can to help you get there.

6. If you suddenly inform the nurse at 11pm on a Saturday night that you haven't had your morphine and you need me to restart it right away, don't be surprised when I say no.(another true story)

7. Please don't ask me how old I am. My answer will be "old enough to be your doctor" (ok so maybe this one only applies to me)

8. Long allergy lists, while occasionally accurate, are a red flag in the medical world. You are allergic to allll but one specific narcotic? How do you know that so well?

9. Please fill in other family members about your condition yourself. Questions are welcome but repeating yourself from the beginning for every cousin and coworker and neighbor that stops by to visit is not.

10. Follow up, follow up, follow up. What happens in the hospital is most often a result/symptom of a bigger issue that will need to be worked on over time. Don't expect a miracle cure at the end of every hospitalization and don't be shocked if it happens again if you don't follow up with your physician in the office. Nothing, absolutely nothing, can replace a relationship with a physician who knows you well.