Us vs them

I love when my boys make me think. On a regular basis, they ask a question or model my behavior or call me out in a way that makes me reflect and truly evaluate myself. What better accountability to my beliefs and values?

Today was a tough one that's got me thinking.

The scene-

The church we are attending in Norway is an international Baptist church. It is a small group that meets in a warehouse office building amidst car dealerships, but the message is in English and the pastor is big hearted.  We share God with a diverse group of people. There is a large proportion of the congregation that is Russian. In fact, the service is translated into Russian for those whose English isn't sufficient.  The boys have several school friends there and have made other friends. Ty has become good friends with one of the Russian boys.

The question-

We are leaving church today and Ty is particularly quiet. When I ask him what's going on he responds "Is Vlad going to be a bad guy when he grows up?" 

Whoa

Like most of the world, we have been following the news in Boston. He has unavoidably overheard the media and our conversations at home that have identified the bombers as brothers from Russia. And now he's worried about his best church friend.

The evaluation-

I can't blame him. I don't mean I question the "goodness" of  Vlad's family, but it must be incredibly confusing for a 7 year old.

On one hand we (being the bigger we of all /most parents) want to teach our kids to love and accept but yet they see us condemn, hate, and go to war with other countries. We want to teach them not to judge yet they see us pointing fingers at others that don't meet our standards. We teach them not to bully yet there are whole facebook pages that are shared making fun of those with different political views. We want to teach them to be respectful yet are often anything but. We want to teach them to be open minded yet we are close minded creatures of habit. 

How confusing. How is he supposed to love in a world that often emphasizes  hate and perpetuates stereotypes?

It's a double standard. We want (and expect) all these things for our children yet we model the "us vs them" mentality. 

We are good, they are bad. We are right, they are wrong. We are intelligent and rational decision makers, they are unstable and unpredictable.

We judge. 

Admittedly, my thoughts here are judgmental. In effect, I am judging the judgers. I don't make any excuses for it, I only seek to point out the reality. We are all guilty.

The thing is, we are comfort creatures. We know ourselves, our expectations, our actions. THEY are scary, different, foreign. 

The perspective-

But we are really aren't that different, are we? We are all God's children.

Focusing on generalizations, making political jokes at the expense of someone else's dignity, criticizing a person or situation we aren't familiar with ourselves teaches children to close themselves off with only like minded groups. There is no learning or growth without stepping out.

What we have to focus on teaching our children is to love-to love themselves, love God, and love God's world. We have teach by example and by experience. We have to look for opportunities to show our kids how to love when it's hardest and most difficult. And we have to be honest with them about the difficulty. We have to teach them to rely on God for that love. 

So we had a long talk with Tyler about how the bad guys in Boston happened to be Russian but that doesn't at all mean that Russian people are bad. We should take time to know each person for who they are and not where they came from or what they support. Vlad is not a bad guy. He is a friend. And we are lucky to have the opportunity to know him. We are blessed to love him as God first has loved us.

"You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty." Mahatma Gandhi

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." Martin Luther King, Jr.

“Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye? “You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye." 

Matthew 7:3-5

3 months in the tundra

Tundra: biome describing the Arctic area of Europe, Asia and North America where the ground is permanently frozen. 

That's where I live. 

Ok, to be fair, the tundra is actually only north of the Arctic Circle in northern Norway, Oslo is below it, so I don't exactly live IN the tundra specifically but my numb fingers and snow boots might say it's close enough.

So now we've survived here three months.  It's crazy to look back and see how much has happened in such a short time-what a whirlwind! 

I've seen more, cried more, learned more, held onto my boys more, been in awe more, been absolutely clueless more, been so proud more these past 90 days than ever before. Some experiences I knew to prepare for, others have hit me completely unexpectedly.  I've learned some lessons that, despite my lowest of the low moments, I would never change.  

My boys are strong. They are resilient and well adjusted. While I've worried and planned, they have just been little boys doing what little boys do. I absolutely love moments like watching Barrett play soccer with local boys on his team -communicating through high fives and cheers, Owen sledding over and over and laughing in the snow, Tyler picking up British English at school-saying things like "rubbish" and "just a bit" and studying spelling words like "fortnight" and "centre". Intrigued with history from WWII and naming capitals of countries I didn't even know existed, they are soaking up the world in unmatchable ways. They are loving people in a Godly way, not judging their differences, but learning who they are. 

I am a proud proud mama.

My marriage is strong. Micah and I have been through hard times in the past but these months have strengthened my love and faith in him. He has stepped up to love and support me as I've wobbled on shaky ground.   New job in a new world with new people in a new language, never ending and (occasionally) nonsensical logistics, wife and kids adjusting to change after change after change-he is holding it together (more than I can say for myself some days). Plus we've laughed----a lot---sometimes at ourselves, sometimes at the chaos, and sometimes in the middle of a breakdown. I love him. I love us. 

I'm a proud proud wife. 

 I am strong. That sounds somewhat egotistical even as I write it but it's something I have never really let myself feel before. I have come a long  long way from my first days of shock and fear. It hasn't been easy but I'm not overwhelmed every second now. I have found a routine. I can go to the grocery store and get gas and wash my car. I have made friends. I can understand most signs and pleasantries. I even got my first parking ticket! I am relaxing, adjusting, and trusting God. Most significantly, I am learning to accept myself as I am, as God sees me. My resume-education, experience, who I work with-doesn't matter. I am ME-weaknesses, bad days, uncertainties about the future-and all. I am enough for my family. I am enough for God. I am enough. 

I am a proud proud child of God.

So there it is. My reflection of this blur. And what is crazy is that I am still at base camp. My mountain still lies ahead. I've proved myself in this adrenaline driven beginning but I  have so far to go and so much more ground to cover. Take a breath. Say a prayer. Find confidence. 

I can do hard things.