Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Saying goodbye stinks

Tyler: "saying goodbye stinks."

I thought we were done with the hard goodbyes. Moving away from family and friends, last days, ending a chapter-we got through all of that already, right?

Except not.

Such is the life of an expat family at an international school. The population is transient-families moving on, leaving Norway, saying goodbye.

And it does stink.

Seriously.

Some  of the kids leaving are those that stepped up to welcome the boys in their first days here. They made them feel at home, like all of this chaos was going to be okay. They've accepted them and laughed and played and given them happiness. I'm a little attached (and grateful) to them myself. 

Saying goodbye is a life skill-one I've realized this week that I haven't really taught my boys. We teach them to say "please" and "thank you" and "I'm sorry" but not "goodbye." 

 I think it's because I don't like it myself. I like to wish away change, downplay the transitions, think of moving like "an extended vacation." There's no finality in that. There are no last words. But realistically, the boys are having to say goodbye to some friends that they probably won't ever see again. I have struggled to find the words to comfort them and hurt to see them sad. 

What I keep finding myself saying is this--

How blessed are you to have made such a good friend that you are sad to see him go. It was only a few months ago that you were scared and worried about fitting in. And now...what a good problem to have.  How lucky to have crossed paths with such special friends. Be grateful for your time together and what you learned from them. 

I remind them that they aren't the new kids anymore. New families will be moving in. Those kids will feel scared and overwhelmed. They won't know anybody or have any friends. The boys have the chance to treat the new additions with kindness and acceptance as they were treated. Make them feel welcome and happy. What an opportunity!

I don't know if they get it or if it helps. They're swimming in sadness right now. They need to be sad. They need to figure out how to deal with their emotions themselves. 

I can't do it for them.

I can only love them and encourage them. 

I can only listen and agree when they tell me in tears that saying goodbye stinks. 

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Missing the little things


I had a conversation with a new-to-Norway family last weekend. In a time when I finally am starting to feel settled, it brought back a flood of emotions I went through those first few weeks. Most things I can proudly say I've figured out, other things I have found I love, and some things I have learned to just live with. I knew I would miss the big things-family, friends, our house, my job. What's funny is all the little things I took for granted. It never would have occurred to me that I would miss.....

1. Drive thrus- 
Oh the ease of McDonald's. Owen is asleep in the backseat, the boys don't have shoes on, it's raining, and I'm running late? No problem! No need to get out of the car for a quick meal or shot of coffee. Most of time here its just not worth the effort to find parking, skate in through the ice, and wait in line while you worry that maybe you didn't pay for enough parking time (see #4). So we end up skipping Mcdonalds. Is it healthier? Yes. Is it inconvenient? Absolutely.

2. Church- 
So I actually did know I would miss this one. How could I not? My favorite place in Houston, genuine people, friends that I've experienced life changing moments with. But my homesickness for Community of Faith is so prevalent that I just had to list it here. I won't rant about this one anymore here, but it's definitely what I miss the most. No question.

3. Flip flops-
 Ok I get it. Norwegians love the snow. If I hear "there is no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing" one more time I'm going to scream. I just want to run to my car or check the mail or pick the boys up and slip on one of my 100 pairs of flip flops. But alas, snow and rain boots have become my go-to option. Maybe it's time to downsize the open-toe collection...

4. Free parking-
I'm used to paying for parking at a ball game or a valet but at the grocery store? the gym? the neighborhood pizza place? Ridiculous! Add that to the stress of having to estimate how long your activity/errand will take so you pay for enough time. I sometimes find myself rushing to the car and calling to the loitering parking attendant that I still have 2 minutes on my ticket and I'm here! I've gotten behind once --- by less than 5 minutes --- and had to pay 760kroner ($130). 

5. Report cards- 
Don't get me wrong, I really love the boys' school and the fact that they are able to focus on learning and not busywork and tests. But as a parent, I have little to absolutely no idea how well they are doing in school. Who knew I relied on the performance based praise of my children's frequent report cards. I'm accepting that I have to focus on the fact that they are happy and excited about school and what they are learning. New concept!

6. Barnes &Noble-
I miss bookstores. Real life English bookstores. Stores here have maybe a shelf of English titles (or there is always amazon.) But nothing replaces browsing with a coffee in a quiet store while the boys play with Thomas the Train and find new reading.

7. Red lights-
Round-abouts are not my favorite. I've gotten pretty good since they are at every intersection, but I miss sitting at a red light and following calm traffic direction changes. There are rules of driving for the roundabouts but honestly people seem to just do whatever they want. It's a free-for-all, like a frogger game, jump in and go!

8. Nail salons- 
A favorite relaxation for me. I love to zone out with a bad year old celebrity magazine for an hour and walk away with pretty feet (see flip flops above). Nail salons are far and few between here (I don't actually know where any are). Even if there was one close, I'm sure I couldn't afford the $100+ cost.

9. Texas friendliness- 
Let me start by saying that Norwegians are very nice people. It has nothing to do with goodness, but the concept of smiling when you pass someone or holding a door open or even waiting in a line is lost here. When I make eye contact and say hi, people look at me like I'm crazy, or drunk, or just American. One old lady even yelled something at me in Norwegian when I helped her hold the door as she went through with her walker. Maybe I was trying to push her or steal something from her or take away her independence? No idea. 

10. Target-
Let's just close our eyes for a minute and enjoy the thought of the bright red doors, the dollar spot that has bins of items I didn't even know I needed, the stacks of perfectly arranged tshirts for $5 each in the right size. Oh, and we are out of milk? No problem. I'll just pick that up too. Sigh...oh, Target, my heart will always belong to you...

What I take from all of this is : 
Enjoy where you are, 
what's in front of you 
because the simple silly things are meaningful too. 

You may find yourself missing tomorrow something you roll your eyes at today. 

So next time you are frustrated at the busy Target parking lot or the long Starbucks drive through line or the never ending red light, take a minute and enjoy the luxury. Some of us would kill for a grande light white chocolate mocha right about now.