I throw a heck of a pity party, if I do say so myself. I am really good at getting worked up and stressed and anxious and overwhelmed. I don't sleep, I don't eat, the panic attacks start, it's an effort to function.
I pray and I tell God I give it to Him, I can't do it alone.....but not all of me believes that.
I hate to say that. I really WANT to let it go, but I don't. I would say I cant but honestly thats my choice. I still hold on to just enough to keep control. I still pour over pro/con lists in depth and research for hours without asking Him for direction. I get wrapped up and then, just to make it even more overwhelming, I focus on my stress and how I am dealing with. I break myself.
And when I KNOW I can't possibly handle anymore, God gives me more. I've reached my end, and He says yes, you have, let it go, now you have no choice.
He turns me from details and worldly problems to Him, who I am, and my family.
Today, He told me my boys needed me. He told me to I'm letting myself be consumed by unimportant things and to get over it. My boys need me. I need to listen and focus and love.
I give it up. I give it up to Him.
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