New parenting

As previously mentioned, I have read countless books on parenting, had endless discussions with family and friends about specific child issues, prayed daily for my children and myself as a mother, and struggled with Micah to do the best for our kids. So it's been of great interest to me to begin to learn the Norwegian ideas and culture of child rearing. Although we all have the same goals--raising happy and successful children--our methods are very different. A few of the big ones I've found---

1. Everybody's doing it

 Preschool (barnehage) is the norm here for children after 1 year. Norwegians typically consider it a necessity not only because most women work (due to high cost of living, great maternity benefits, and government subsidized  child care) but because it is a necessity for early socialization development. In talking with local parents and preschool directors, it is common thought that kids are missing out if they aren't in school. For me, one of the big ideas I had coming here was being able to be the mom at home with Owen that I wasn't able to be with the other 2 boys.  I had my older 2 boys while I was in medical residency. I spent many a 4am morning and overnight shifts at the hospital with nausea and pregnancy fatigue. I made it through 60hour + work weeks with the help for some amazing fellow residents and faculty. I was never able to go to the park or zoo in the middle of the day or enjoy library story times-I was looking forward to those moments. I am finding I am having to push against the cultural norm to have Owen at home and work a little harder than I expected to find playmates. Luckily, I am finding small group of similar international families who have navigated successfully the same path and are becoming a social network for us.

2.  Don't baby the babies

Winter weather in Norway is not for the weak. Despite freezing temperatures, ice, and snow Norwegians ski, bike, jog, and play outside like its a warm spring day. The same is expected of children. At preschools, the babies routinely nap in their strollers outside on the porch--there are no cribs inside. In fact, there is little inside because the children spend the majority of their day playing outside---hours in the snow. On the ski slopes,young kids are tumbling all around and parents watch from a distance as they pick themselves up. Even at restaurants, kids menus are usually the same fare as the adult options, just smaller portions. Drinks are served in (gasp!) glass glasses-without lids or straws. And the crazy thing is that kids seem to get along just fine. They learn their expectations and meet them happily.

3. Less is more

Comparitavely, life here is simple. Meals are basic, often bland. Clothing is functional. Stores have much fewer selections. Houses are smaller. Architecture is clean lined. This culture of simplicity carries over to kids. Toys R Us is a quarter of the size. School rooms are fairly bare except for wooden blocks, puzzles, Legos. Electronic and sound making toys are significantly fewer. There are no big bell and whistle attractions-no Chuck E Cheese or Main Event. Some of these observations are related to the emphasis on the outdoors, some is related to he higher cost of living and decreased disposable income of families, and some is related to the very strict laws regarding marketing to children. But some is just simply the simple culture of simplicity.

4. Independence Day

On any given school day, you can find elementary age children taking the train to school, a teacher with a group of 3 year olds wearing their yellow reflective vests walking down the street to play at the McDonald's playground, kids at recess in their school yard without a fence or gate separating them from the road. Kids are given freedoms here we would never ever consider in the US. I've found it a bit nerve racking and anxiety producing. 

5. Why can't we be friends

It's been a huge comfort that the boys' transition here was so easy. They were immediately  welcomed into their group of friends. They go to school with friends from around the world-literally-and the kids don't even seem to notice. The local norwegians in the neighborhood and on Barrett's football (soccer) team have made them a part of the group without question. They are more accepting and non judgmental then any group of children or adults I've ever met. 

I'm learning a lot here-some of which I like and some of which is not my favorite-but the Norwegian ideas produce content, independent, active, conforming people. Learning our differences and new viewpoints can only help strengthen the plans Micah and I have for our children. I remind myself daily to be open, welcoming new ideas, embracing our time and the culture here as Im able. God has a plan and I want to be able to receive it. I am thankful for the experience. 

Miles to go

Every so often,  I feel like I might be getting the hang of it. Nobody cries in the morning out the door, I find pop tarts at a grocery store, I parallel park successfully in the small icey spot, I run my treadmill 5k.

That's not today.

Today I feel like a disaster. 

I'm supposed to be filling out a preschool application due in 2 days in Norwegian. I have to list our top 5 choices of schools...none of which I've even seen. 

I drove to try to find a city office today for help....never found it (or parking for that matter) and then got completely lost. A poor policeman took pity on me when I got pulled over for driving the wrong way on a one way street (I thought the sign said no parking, not no driving).

I tried to go to a PTA meeting which turned out to be a group of very bitter moms complaining about teachers and the school. Then one of them asked me if Owen had a disability since I didn't have him in school. 

Church has not been successful. There is really only one English speaking church. I have really tried to go open mindedly but it just isn't right. The service lasts almost 2 hours and I don't think I am engaged enough to even focus on God's word. I'm trying to wrangle the kids (no children's church), follow liturgy, and honestly stay awake.

I miss my life. 

My friends. 

My church. 

My family. 

My job. 

My comfort.

Why am I here? I asked Micah that today. I'm not seeing a path or purpose. I have faith that God has a plan for me and I am spending more time with Him than ever before. I'm listening but I'm not hearing. I'm looking but I'm not seeing. I'm tired and worn down.

And maybe that's the point. 

We watched our church's message Sunday based on the story of the disciples rowing across the sea of Galilee in a terrible storm and Jesus walking on water to save them. But Jesus didn't save them right away. They struggled for hours before He stepped in. Pastor Mark pointed out that maybe that was to give the disciples the time necessary to realize they couldn't do it by themselves-without Him, they would fail. 

That piece particularly has stuck with me. 

Maybe that's where I am. Maybe I'm in the storm needing to give up on all the things that have always gotten me through- my pride, my control, my sheer determination, my bulletproof facade. 

Im watching as these pieces of myself fall away-and maybe they have needed to go for a while. Maybe they are making way for new opportunities to receive Gods love and faith. 

So today, I give up.

And tomorrow, I will put myself out there again. 

I have miles to go.....

Baby steps

So we've made it through our first full week in Oslo. Micah went to work, the boys went to school, and Owen and I ..... are figuring things out.

The vacation is over. It's real now.

It was so strange to come home Monday after taking the boys to school to a quiet house--our new house. 

I planned so much for the actual move--packing, the plane flight, all the logistics--but now here we are. This is it. (can you tell I'm freaking out a little bit?)

This is the part I couldn't really plan for, I just have to do. That's really scary for somebody who likes to be in control. This is new.

So after my initial shock, I sat down Monday in the middle of my boxes and mess to pray and write. I wrote a letter to God. Yes, that's a little strange but I just had all these thoughts and feelings and I needed to put them somewhere. I wrote about my fears, my weaknesses, my goals. I gave everything I had to Him and gave over my control--and worry.

And then I started my week. 

Very slowly.

 I drove to pick the boys up with white knuckles and breathed a huge sigh of relief when I saw them smiling at the end of their day. 

The next day I took the boys with me (as my crutch?) into the "mini" (small markets sort of like a 7-11). We bought milk and managed to pay and get home and I felt like I'd won a major prize!

By Wednesday  I ventured to the real grocery store. It helps when your 3 year old is singing and saying "hi" to every person we passed. They couldn't help but acknowledge me...and offer help on more than 1 occasion when I must have looked completely lost and clueless. (I mean, seriously, you can buy a lot of food based on the picture on the label, but sour cream? I would have ended up with cottage cheese unless I had asked.) 

By the end of week I had figured out how to find a children's store and buy a stroller, drive to pick up the boys without needing my gps for directions, and join the gym. I gotta say, I'm pretty darn proud of myself at this point. 

It's so funny that these simple errands are such a major undertaking. I get home completely exhausted! Baby steps...

Things are slowly getting easier and I hope will continue on that course. 

It's comforting knowing there is control and I don't have to have it myself. My confidence comes from my faith. 

My mom said something this week that continues to resonate with me. I have never been good at change. Maybe this is time God is giving to me to learn to be comfortable when I'm uncomfortable, to learn to give up my control a hundred times every day, and to learn to listen to Him.

Maybe I'm learning more than how to drive or pay at the store.

I'm hoping.

Next plans--include trying an English speaking service at church, meeting my first friend in Oslo for coffee (Owen's strep throat at least introduced me to a very nice pediatrician, Kristin, who called and offered to give me some local tips), and heading to the ski slopes with our new cross country skis in the evenings. 

All things I'm a little nervous about but all things that I will be very proud to accomplish!

Really hard

This is hard. Yes, I know all the good parts and am looking forward to a lot but right now it's really hard. 

So *warning*---this post isn't all roses and sunshine but neither is life and this is where I am. This is my attempt at finding some perspective today and keeping on going.

First, jet lag with a 3 year old sucks. Not even including the stomach bug we muscled through initially, it's hard to get on a new schedule eating and sleeping. Owen has been having the hardest time-expected I guess. We've been up until 3am and then he's been whiney and tired (and still getting over this virus) all day. Everything is shadowed exhaustion. I'm ready to have my happy baby back and find a new normal.

Second, we really don't have any idea what we are doing. It took us over and hour to find a restaurant yesterday and then it didn't take our American credit card. We had to call the landlord back over to teach us how to use the radiators and floor heaters-we couldn't even read the instruction manuals. We seem to get lost a lot driving, even with gps. The road system is not American intuitive so you can see where you want to go but actually getting there is way more complicated than you would think. Even the grocery store is hard. There is lots of salmon and caviar paste (what?!?) but finding lunch meat for sandwiches took a long time. And apparently you have to bring your own reusable bags or have the checkout guy look at you like you are sole reason for global warming when you ask for one plastic bag....and in English to boot!

Third, it's cold. Really cold. I know that's not unique to our experience here but it sure is a change for us running outside barefoot. I'm already tired of putting on layer after layer of clothes on the boys and wrestling them into their boots and mittens. I have already decided I need a bigger purse to hold everything they peel off and hand to me when we go inside somewhere. I see many a lost mitten and hat in our near future.

What I realize is that  I've never really considered what people go through moving to a new country. We had to get our visas today and spent a few hours at the Office of Foreign Service Workers. It sounds so strange to me to be considered an immigrant. My  stereotype doesn't  include "people like me". How narrow minded is that?!? 

We are the foreigners here and somehow I am to some extent still expecting people to cater to my American ideas and language and expectations. 

They don't have Hidden Valley Ranch dressing in the grocery store? What?!?

You want me to read and understand AND follow that street sign? Yeah right!

 My internet connection does not respond to a snap of my fingers? How dare they!

 Apparently, I am okay with living in a different country....as long as I can still live the exact same way..... Ummmmmm, so yeah, not really fair on my part. I've got some changes to make.  I've got a lot to learn and while I will definitely still be asking questions along the way, I need to adapt. 

I've never really truly given the same consideration and patience that I am

now hoping for from the locals here. I get frustrated when a driver doesn't follow the traffic flow-maybe it's her first time to drive in Houston. I get inpatient when I have to wait for a translator in talking to a patient's family-it's hard to learn a new language. I roll my eyes when someone stands too close to me in line or doesn't know how to go through a checkout line efficiently or didn't read the sign saying "credit card only lane"-I've never had to do it myself.

 It's really really hard. 

So, adapt I will ( keeping trying to) do and hopefully (very very soon) look back on these first days and laugh. 

And I (and importantly, my children) are learning a new tolerance, compassion and self esteem in learning the unknown. I have a whole new respect for the millions that have done this before.

Welcome to Norway

We're here! It was a long day of travel filled with airport delays, tired boys, and one very grumpy flight attendant but overall we are here safely and so is our luggage--can't complain.

My first view was a shock. I've looked at pictures and read but it still wasn't like seeing it in front of me. White----very very white. The roads, the roofs, the trees. It's surreal. There are moose crossing signs on the highways!

We headed to our house to meet our landlord (very nice guy) and a slew of other logistic people. The house is really great. It's big and will fit our family well-even though there is a door from the living room into the kitchen (said door has already been taken off its hinges). The yard is huge and complete with a playhouse, soccer goal, trampoline, and "snowboarding hill"--what more could

3 little boys want? They have spent all the free time they've had out there.

Today, we tried to go to the grocery store to get a few drinks and snacks. Couldn't really decipher labels so didn't find most of what we needed. Strike 1. 

We tried to go to "closest thing to Walmart" store -- but found out it requires a membership card like Costco that we can't get until we have our visas complete. Strike 2.

We went to an electronics store and found all the kitchen and household appliances we had to leave behind because of the outlet differences. Homerun!

It's been a roller coaster so far mixed in with some jet lagged kids but we are making it happen. It still kin of feels like a vacation, not something long term. I wonder when that will set in.

Overall, first impressions:

-it's  really cold-like 3 degrees cold. Like the fjord is covered with ice cold. Like you take your glove off to take a picture and your hand is cold and stinging. BUT even the locals say its much colder than usual right now and should be warmer by this weekend.

2. Roads and traffic patterns  are very different. Driving and parking has been a challenge. We need to get good at the metro quickly as I expect that will be my primary form of transportation.

3. Its a very healthy and active place. Despite the cold, there are kids out playing, people biking and running, lots of big gyms, and many more organic choices in the supermarkets.

4. We have a lot to learn about our house--lots of new features and "buttons". The boys have all asked how to flush the toilet--and I had to look to figure it out. There are room heaters, floor heaters, humidity controls, and a few other switches I have no idea what their function is yet.

5. It is expensive-as expected.

Dinner tonight from a simple take out place cost our family of 5 about $90. A coke from a machine was almost $4 today. On the bright side, the colorful money and large denomination coins make it feel like its all Monopoly money anyway:)

6. People have been friendly and helpful and have all spoken English well. Which is good because we've asked a lot of questions!

7. Most stores are in big complexes (sort of similar to a mall) and there aren't big billboards and neon signs so things are sort of hidden. We've done a lot of wandering and gotten lost a few times already. 

8. It's really really beautiful. The snow, the hills, the fjord. It's picturesque for sure. 

Tomorrow on the schedule-international school orientation, unloading our air shipment of belongings and making a big grocery trip-fingers crossed!

More to come!!!!

Choose your own adventure

Its crunch time! We are less than a week away from our big move. The ship has sailed (literally) with all of our belongings, the car has been sold,  the boys have been withdrawn from school, we are winding up loose ends.

I am (mostly) ready and excited about getting there and getting settled. But then sometimes I wake up and think "what are we doing? Really? Can we change our minds?" We are leaving a comfortable place. We are leaving great friends, schools, a job I love, family, our house. At times, I think that's absolutely crazy and wrong and I'm really not sure it's all ok. (except maybe at 2am on Sunday night when the hospital is calling again for the umpteenth time)

Micah and I were talking last night and he said something that really made a difference. He said we could live the next 2 years in the same way we have been and it would all be good-we would never know the difference.  Or we could jump in and spend the next 2 years having experiences and opportunities that would mold and change us and that we would remember for ever. He's right (don't tell him I said so). There isn't a right or wrong choice here but diverging paths. 

It's like the books I loved to read as a kid "choose your own adventure". You would get to points where you had to pick from A or B and you would be directed to a different page. Your story would be different everytime based on your choice and your ending would change. Except I used to read them backwards. I would find the ending I wanted and then work backwards to figure out how to get there. 

I guess this really isn't that different. I know the ending I want and I'm making choices to get there. I want to live life for God. I want to see the world and help where and when I can. I want to experience it holding hands with my best friend. I want my boys to have an understanding outside of themselves and their bubble. I want them to see the bigger picture and what really matters. I want them to find their passion in living for God and what that looks like for them. 

Bottom line, I think stepping out of our comfort zone is a choice that will lead me that direction. Although its sad and scary and uncomfortable, it's necessary. God has a plan for me and my family. It's not the same plan I had made. I look forward to what lies ahead...if I can just make it through this week.

Packing

It's a strange thing to separate everything we own into boxes. 

This goes with the movers now, this goes later, this stays in America, this goes in garage sale pile, this is not even fit for a garage sale.

Every toy, towel, basket (I seem to have a LOT of those?!?), and clothing item is worthy of discussion and thought into a decision. I have lists and labeled piles and lists of my piles (literally).

I've never been more organized....and yet I feel completely lost and unprepared. 

I have absolutely no idea if what I'm taking/leaving is appropriate. What will I wish I had? What will I never use? People have given advice and it's all over the place. "take only necessities", "buy things you can take and leave there", "bring whatever makes it feel like home". I'm doing a little of each I guess. It's a stab in the dark.

I keep reminding myself it's all just "stuff". It's all so minuscule in the long run and while today I agonize over how many coffee mugs to take, it really doesn't matter. 

What matters is our family. Getting the boys settled and comfortable, finding our place. 

I've done a lot of deferred gratification in my life and frankly, I'm kind of done with that. I'm done with the "I can do anything for 2 years" mentality. I'm done crossing days off the calendar and counting down. I'm done planning for the next step and missing where I am. 

So I'm really trying to go into this opportunity whole-heartedly. I want to enjoy every second and make the most of a time in my life that I will never have again. I want to be in the moment, not waiting for it to be over. 

So while packing may be chaotic and I right now I want nothing more than just to be there already and have this behind us, I will not let this time or any just pass me by. 

I will enjoy my friends, Christmas, my job, my family. I can't put those things in boxes.