13 things I want you to know at age 13. (Otherwise known as how I make sense of life)

It’s been a crazy week in our home – lots going on at work, deadlines in my master’s program, end of the year busyness for the boys, and world events as they’ve occurred have left me physically and emotionally exhausted. On top of it all, my first baby became a teenager and tomorrow heads off for a week on his school trip to trek, white water raft, and volunteer at an elephant sanctuary in Thailand. Today, feeling a bit overwhelmed and emotional, I’ve been taking some time in the middle of it all to try to process. Time is flying by and especially in weeks like these I sometimes feel like I’m just trying to keep my head above water and don’t take time to enjoy the moment, my kids, my life.

Parenting is hard. There’s no way around that. Parenting a teen will probably get even harder.  Barrett and I swing from extremes of laughing together to wanting to strangle each other…sometimes all within a few minute period. I don’t have it all figured out by any means, but I try my best to instil in him the things that matter. Today as I’ve been thinking, it dawned on me that these worries and struggles are the same things I want to teach him.

So I’ve complied them into a list for him of things I hope he will think about, focus on, add to, question. I can’t wait to see where God leads him in this life.

Barrett: 13 things I want you to know at age 13. (Otherwise known as how I make sense of life)

1. Think for yourself. There will always be persuasive friends and people with loud opinions.  Listen to them, but then educate yourself and make your own decisions. There’s no right way for everybody. Find your path and do what you know is right.

2. God’s plans are not the same as your plans. I think you know this one already. We are really good at making plans only to have them redirected. Be flexible, expect the unexpected, and listen to God. His timing is always best.

3. Trust is earned, but kindness and respect are not. Sometimes in today’s world, those things get confused. We don’t trust someone so they become an adversary. We don’t have to agree with someone or even know them to be respectful and kind. Every person deserves that.

4. Fall down, and get back up. We all fail. We all make mistakes. God’s mercy is new every day. You will be stronger for the obstacles you meet along the way, you just have to be willing to try again.

5. Don’t give up what you want most for what you want now. This is a hard one. Sometimes whether it’s how we spend money or time or friendships, we want something in front of us so much that we forget our real goals. Hang in there. Make sure your decisions are the same ones you’ll make tomorrow.

6. You always have to flush the toilet. Every time. Maybe this shouldn’t be a rule for teenage years, but for some reason it continues to be necessary to say on almost a daily basis.

7.  Laugh at yourself sometimes. You create your own happiness – it’s a choice. Don’t get caught up in seriousness all the time. Have some fun.

8.  Lead with the truth. Even when it’s not good news.

9. You can only be brave when you have something to be brave about. It’s easy to get comfortable but that comfort leads to complacency and closed mindedness. You have to try new things, go new places, meet new people, think new things. It’s scary, but it’s worth it. Just go.

10. Be a gentleman. Hold the door. Be polite. Say please and thank you.  

11. Clean clothes after a shower are a requirement. Clothes that pass the “smell” test don’t count. If you have to smell it or cover it with cologne, it’s time to wash it. While we’re at it, remember the shower itself is also a requirement.

12. There are good people in the world. And they aren’t good based labels like religion or nationality or skin color. Judge people for who they are not their labels. We are all the same and we’ve experienced the love and kindness of so many different people around the world. Spread that same love wherever you go.

13. I love you. Always. No matter what. Bad days, bad grades, mistakes and all. It will never matter. I love you. I am so proud of your huge heart and whoever you will become. Whether it's Norway or Texas or Nicaragua or Paris, we are always your home.

Come to think of it, this list kind of works no matter the age. I continue to be a work in progress and you will as well. Continue to make the effort…despite the chaos, despite the negativity, despite the sadness, despite the changes, despite the anxiety. I am so grateful for the child you are, the man you are becoming, and the person you are making me. Happy birthday.